Sorry!

I was driving along today and entered a highway via an on ramp. I wasn't paying close attention, I guess, and suddenly saw in my rear-view mirror that there was a car coming up close in the lane with which mine was about to merge. She had the right of way (assuming she wasn't speeding and suddenly appeared), and there wasn't anything close to an accident, but I felt badly that I hadn't seen her earlier. If she had honked at me, how could have indicated that I was sorry, I wondered. The American Sign Language symbol for "Sorry" is to form the letter "A" with your right hand and run your hand in a circle around your chest. Hard to show to someone behind you.

One could throw their arms up in the air, as if to say, "OMG! I can't believe I did something as stupid as that! I apologize!". Someone in front of me did that once, and I understood, but that could also be interpreted as "Ha ha; I'm not holding onto the wheel" or "I'm fed up with people honking at me". You could pound your fist on the side of your head, but that might hurt and make you go off the road, and the person behind still might not get it.

I think it's important when you make a mistake and anger someone enough to make them blast their horn that you sign your apology in such a way that they realize you're acknowledging your own error, and they are then moved to laugh at the way you're doing it. This diffuses the tension and takes care of the apology at the same time. Perhaps miming a gunshot to your head would work---but they may think you think they should be shot. You could hold up one hand in plain site and slap it with the other, but here again you're letting go of the wheel---always a bad idea. An exaggerated crouch like someone's about to whup you upside the head might work.

The problem with all these ideas is that they aren't universal. There should be one sign that becomes generally recognized as a sign for "I'm sorry" when driving. We all know what shaking your fist at someone or flipping them the finger means; why don't we have a standard sign for something constructive like an apology?

If anyone has any suggestions, let me know. And, if you think it's a clear signal, use it the next time you do something stupid. (Admit it. We all do stupid things occasionally when driving. Admitting it can help quell road rage.) And report back to me if the other party understands. Or maybe I'll just see it pop up some day as it becomes a common sign and spreads throughout the driving public. One can only hope.

And if your gesture is misunderstood, and you get honked at or yelled at again...click here.

Holidays

Today is National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day. I know this because my QlownTown Holiday calendar hangs on the wall across from my desk, and it lists a different holiday or birthday for every day of 2010. It was a lot of work getting the dates together, but the result was so successful that I'm already starting to plan the 2011 calendar. (By the way, not to put in a plug or anything, but copies of this year's calendar are still available online for $10 each. There are still 282 dates to read about in 2010.)

But getting back to today's holiday: I don't particularly like chocolate covered raisins, but I'm glad that people who do have their own holiday. Holidays are generally fun, except for those few religious holidays that are all about atonement, forgiveness, or mourning--but even a little officially-sanctioned sorrow can be good for the soul, too. They're a good excuse to celebrate when nothing in your everyday life warrants it.

I was looking ahead a few days and saw that this coming Friday is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day, and no, I didn't make that up. I read it online so it must be true. I encourage anyone who reads this to send in your own suggestions for a holiday that you've made up. If it's a good one, I may even put it on next year's calendar. Of course, I'm not going to add new holidays willy nilly, because the purpose of the calendar is to provide information---mostly useless information, but information nonetheless---about real holidays. But one or two really good ones might find their way into 2011. If there's a particular date one which you think it should appear, include that too, with an explanation if applicable. The best way is to visit the blog and add your idea under Comments. (This blog also appears in my Facebook page and maybe elsewhere.) If you email dsmith-weiss@qlowntown.com, I can transfer your suggestion to the blog, but it's more efficient to go right to the source.

Tomorrow is Letting Go of Stuff Day. Ironically, it's also Maundy Thursday, which always reminds of the old joke "How can it be Maundy if it's Thursday?", but I digress. So we have a holiday that, every year, mourns a horrible event in Jesus's life which is also a day to stop worrying about things. But there are plenty of other things to let go of; for example, $10 plus shipping for a 2010 QlownTown Holiday calendar--not that I'm plugging anything. You could let go of a grudge you're holding, or let go of some old clothes that don't fit or are out of style, or let go of some anger you're feeling. And Passover is coming up next week, so if you're thinking of getting new stuff to replace the stuff you let go of, just Pass over it. Your life will just get cluttered again.

I tend to forget to look at the calendar every day, and I just discovered that I missed celebrating International Goof-Off Day two days ago. I worked Monday, and now I learn I wasn't supposed to. I guess I'd better pay closer attention to the calendar from now on.

Adjustment

After several weeks dealing with my mother's declining health and ultimate demise, I can feel life returning to normal. I actually colored and uploaded a cartoon yesterday, something I hadn't done for several days--in part because I was wrapped up in family matters, and in part because my internet was down, due, it turns out, to a faulty modem even though all signs pointed to a server problem. Talk about bad timing! To be without internet access when you're trying to coordinate a memorial service, newspaper obituaries and all the other attendant matters of a death? Disastrous! Still, we all soldiered on. The obit will be over a week after the fact, but it will still say the same thing, and simply let people outside the core circle know about her demise a bit later than they would have if I'd acted more quickly. The organizations mentioned will still accept any donations people send, Mom will still have had a long life, and she'll still be gone. I haven't melted or lost my mind. Waves of sorrow appear unexpectedly, but for the most part, I'm handling it well. Part of it may be that I believe in Heaven.

Not the Heaven that we see in movies, books and TV. Not a place where we look the same as we did on earth...although someone made the delightful suggestion that everyone in heaven is in their thirties, because that's probably when most people have some money, have a loving family and are still healthy. I think it's indescribable. I had your basic out-of-body experience on an operating table once, and I recall a sense of calm so free of anything negative that I think I've only experienced that same calm for maybe thirty seconds total in all the years since--with that thirty seconds made up of a second here, two seconds there...we're talking True Peace.

It turns out that my experience was almost identical to that of many people who've "died" and come back. I described it to a friend years ago, having never read anything on the subject, and she told me with wide eyes that mine matched the descriptions she'd read by others who had "come back". Some scientific studies have suggested that neurons and electrical signals in the brain just fire and create these experiences in the brain; that none of it is "real" beyond our thinking it is. That may be true, although I have a very hard time believing it.

But it doesn't really matter, because if a person does just Die when they pass, they still live on in memories and in the people they've raised, befriended, or otherwise affected. I know that's a cliche, but I can't deny that things I do, the way I react in certain situations, little tics or quirks I may have, are all a function of the people I've known.

As a young man, I thought that it was a cop-out when people said someone has "passed" or "passed away", that it was just a way to avoid saying they'd died. Now, I think it's an acknowledgment that they haven't ceased to exist, but that they've moved on to another state. If the atheists are right, it still doesn't diminish the power of the aftereffects of a person's life on earth as a living thing. A life still counts, even after it's done. I'm quite comfortable in not knowing or trying to figure out what the afterlife is, or even if it's a part of some continuum that doesn't fit our conventional notions of Time. I figure it's either what I briefly experienced after floating above the O.R. watching the doctors and nurses rushing around and then "going to the light", or it's something else, or it's just the way we live on in others. I think there's a Oneness that we share and maybe merge into at some point. I don't know. No one does.

My mother passed away last week. Wherever she is or isn't, I have faith that although she's died, she hasn't Died, at least not completely. I have faith that she's in a better place in some form, a form of which I can't conceive; but those who don't believe that will have to concede that when I do something the way she would have, or don't do something because she taught me not to, she's "alive" in that action.

She did something funny that I only learned of after she was gone. A Virgin Mary is sometimes called a Bloody Shame, and, mixing up the two names, she once asked a waiter, unintentionally, for a Bloody Virgin. She was very embarrassed at the time. I just learned, however, that in later years she did the same thing on purpose several times, telling her dining companions and the waiter that she was old now, and didn't have to worry what people would think of her. My mother was always a bit straight-laced; you'd never hear her say anything risque or ironic--or so I thought. Now, whenever I write something sarcastic or edgy, I'll think of her. And if someone is offended, I'll say, "My Mom made me do it."

Anniversary

Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of QlownTown. Yep; I've been drawing this cartoon every day (but five) for the last year. To celebrate, I'm offering a free, signed copy of any QlownTown cartoon to whomever comes up with the best name for the orange-haired woman in the February 30th "Under the Weather" cartoon. She's appeared in several cartoons over the course of the last year, and I think she's an appropriate choice for the first recurring character to receive a real name. Of course, the best entry I receive might be something mundane like Jane or Sue, but I'm hoping for more creative and interesting submissions. Entries can be sent to dsmith-weiss@qlowntown.com. Judging will take about two weeks.

About those five non-cartoon days: no apologies. QlownTown does not yet appear in any newspapers, so I don't have to do one every day. Things came up. Power outages. A party. Still, I hear from many readers that reading the cartoon is the first thing they do in the morning, sort of a start-the-day-off-right pick-me-up. So I'm sorry in that respect. Okay, there's an apology after all. And I still intend to fill in those five days. If and when that happens, I'll let you know.

Anyway, while checking out the fact that the first anniversary is traditionally Paper, I noticed that the second is cotton. Maybe next year, I'll offer a cartoon printed on a pillow. Third is leather, which could suggest a whole new direction for QlownTown. Biker clowns? Clowns with whips? One shudders at the possibilities.

Fourth is fruit or flowers. Can I print a strip on a grapefruit? Would anyone want it? Fifth is wood---a box with a comic strip, of course. By the time of the tenth, Diamonds, I like to think I might be able to offer a QlownTown diamond ring setting. Maybe QT spelled out in diamonds? No. We'll see.

The importance of an anniversary is more about achieving the milestone, not what you give someone to mark it (although diamonds are nice). Since the site was delayed almost a year from when I originally intended to start it online, actually getting a year's worth under my belt feels like it's been a long time coming. I know that with any strip, you can see the evolution during the first year.
I can see the changes in my style over the course of the last year. Stuff that I thought was perfect a year ago looks kind of scratchy to me now...although I still like some of it. Next March, I expect to see even more improvement. Or at least I hope it'll look like improvement.

So for the coming year? Plans include getting the strip into newspapers, using more recurring characters (and naming them), working on the 2011 calendar early enough that it goes on sale in August or September instead of December, and maybe doing a couple of thematic weeks, like the Custer's Last Stand variations of January 25th to the 28th. Maybe even a storyline that extends over a week or so! Let me know if you have any suggestions.

Lots o' stuff

A lot has happened since my last posting. We had suspected for awhile that my mother might not be with us much longer, and the doctor officially confirmed it last week. The bad part, obviously, is the anticipation, the sorrow, the crying, the goodbyes each time we leave her side. But for what it's worth, we're seeing a lot of family that we haven't seen for awhile, and we can stop worrying about her. We know there's an end to the timeline, and, while we don't know exactly when that will be, we don't have to wonder if she'll get worse and worse as years go by. She's 87, she's had a good life, her children are all grown, and we'll manage.

Of course, this ability to rationalize and recognize that things will get better and, eventually, easier doesn't serve to eliminate thinking about it in the back of my mind most of the time, so the last couple of weeks have been exhausting; but at least I had the temporary release of drawing cartoons every day. I have to smile when I draw a cartoon. I think it's a law. But Friday morning brought an unwelcome surprise.

I awoke in the early morning hours to realize that the electricity had gone out. There was the frightening sound of roaring winds and creaking trees, and if I wasn't so tired, I might have gotten up and moved to the middle of the house, away from any outside walls. Instead, I dozed off, knowing that our superinsulated house would stay warm at least through the night and telling myself that the odds of a tree falling on the house near me were slim.

In the morning, the electricity was still out. I decided to sleep late, then go out for a big breakfast while I read the paper, take my in-laws to the airport, and then finally go home to reality. Well, there were trees down on the way to the airport, and the road off which I had to take a detour on the way into the airport was closed off to traffic coming back. I took several alternate roads which, I discovered only after driving several miles on each, all turned out to be closed as well before I took the long way 'round to get back on the highway and head home. What would normally be a half hour trip took almost two hours.

When I got home at about 2:30, I attempted to find the inverter I'd bought after the Blackout of 2008. This inverter plugs into the car, and converts the 12 volt DC into 110 volt AC, so I'd be able to plug in our heating system. It took an hour to locate the inverter and enough extension cords to run power upstairs. I plugged in the heater and--a low hum, but no heat. Despite the amperage rating, the inverter didn't supply enough power for the electronic spark to ignite the burner. Okay--it was still warm in the house. At least I could run the computer, upload the weekend's cartoons and then deal with the evening later.

Wrong! After plugging in the computer, the modem, the wireless router, and the cable box in the basement, I still had no email or internet access. I later found out the provider was down, but, not knowing that at the time, spent an hour or so trying everything I could think of to get the system working. Not surprisingly, frustration was beginning to get the better of me.

My wife, bless her, called late that afternoon and said, "Let's go visit your mother and stay in a nice inn for the night." We left food and water for the cats---they have a pet door to come and go as they please---and drove north as darkness and cold descended.

We wound up staying in the (expensive) inn the first night and a cheaper hotel the next. Both were nice, the first one especially, and we could keep checking if power was on by phoning home: if we didn't get a message on the home answering machine, the power was still off. Finally, Sunday morning, the call went through. We spent the morning with my mother, then headed home.

Arriving home, we turned the heat to High. My wife began cleaning the refrigerator in anticipation of picking up the perishables that we'd left at my son's house on Friday. I noticed a couple of bits of dried-up dog poop in the dining room. I assumed that one of our grand-dogs, who'd visited a week earlier, had been so excited she left a few small "calling cards". Fine. No smell; dry from the cold and the passage of time. Easy cleanup with a wad of tissues. Then my wife found a whole mess of "calling cards" in the closet where the pet door is located. Well, I remembered that the dog had followed the cats into that closet when she was here, and figured she's gotten excited again. I grabbed another handful of tissue, squatted down and began picking up the stuff, and saw, two feet in front of me---a possum! Alive, nose twitching.

I didn't scream or panic--probably because the last week had been so terrible, I didn't have any energy left. Also, looking down on the nose of the thing (it was under a low shelf in the closet), I thought it looked kind of cute. I actually wondered if it was something else, because when I've seen possums out in the open, I've considered them grotesque. So I ducked lower, saw the angry-looking eyes (due to the dark color flaring out above the eyes) and long claws, and decided it was indeed a butt-ugly possum.

It took some doing, but after we blocked the internal opening into the living room, through which the cats come and go to use the pet door in the closet, and propped open the external per door, I was able to prod the animal with a stick slid under the door till it went outside. I thought my wife was right behind me, and I kept saying, "Did he go out? Is he gone?", till I realized she'd gone off to do laundry. Finally, I opened the closet and looked along all the shelves to make sure it was gone. I was a little scared at that point, because the internet was still down (grr!), so I couldn't check online to see how cornered possums act. But it had left. I cleaned up the rest of the mess, shut the door, and collapsed on the sofa.

I may reduce the size of the pet door opening so it's only big enough for our two cats, but not for awhile. I have to assume that our house has been possum-proofed. After all, what are the odds of finding a live possum in your house twice? One might say that, the way the last week has gone, they're pretty high; but at some point, things have to get better, and I choose to assume that one way this will happen is that there will be No More Possums.