Talk Like Shakespeare Day

Today is Talk Like Shakespeare Day. I should have written about this earlier, so people who read this would've had the whole day to, well, talk like Shakespeare. Of course, you can do that anyway, but it only makes sense if it has an official reason. Or if you work at a medieval style restaurant. Or if you're doing a Shakespeare play.

Most of us, however, aren't working at that type of restaurant (or any type, actually) or doing a play. So our only chance is to do it without getting funny looks is to do it on this Official Day. So, if you're reading this Friday evening, start. Now! There are only a few hours left.

Maybe it's better to start late in the day. It's very hard to talk like Shakespeare. Even if you get the hang of the thees, thous, thys, arts, hasts, doths and the other popular noun, verbs and pronouns, almost every other word has to be changed from modern versions. For instance, "You have annoyed me" might become "Thou hast pricked my curs'ed caddy-piddle", which isn't even legitimate Elizabethan English, but at least bears a passing resemblance to what Will might have said. He did know how to turn a phrase. But remembering those terms, or even making up authentic-sounding words,whilst speaking at a normal tempo, would tax the most skillful knave amongst us.

Anyway, give it a shot. If you go out for drinks tonight, you might try something along the lines of "Hie thee, o serving-wench, fetch me a bottle of thy finest Bud Light with Lime, for my thirst doth need slaking forthwith." (Wait a minute...you might want to cut the "serving-wench" part unless you announce the reason for speaking that way first.) Or, "Verily, by Beelzebub and his fiery minions, those Red Sox surely
are putting an ague in my heart." If you don't get punched, you may get complimented.

Thou mayst even find a lovely lass, with eyes as azure as the deepest chasm in Neptune's sea, who'll fall for that crap. Good fortune to thee!

(By the way, the cartoon above is available on a T shirt, mug, etc here.)