Airlines

I got back from a trip to California a couple of weeks ago, and was struck, as I always am when I fly, by how impractical the off-loading procedure is on an airplane. Obviously, first class gets off first--that's a given. But why is it that the masses at the back of Coach have to wait as each row, one-by-one, gets their carry-ons down from the overhead bins, working from front to back? I would propose several steps to improve getting off the plane.

1) Anyone who has a connecting flight for which they only have, say, a half an hour to meet, would be allowed off first. This could be verified by the flight attendants so no one cheats--the rest of the passengers could spend the extra time this might take getting their luggage down. It's the airline's fault that these people have a tight schedule anyway, so they should be responsible for making it easier for those passengers. I have actually missed a connecting flight because I had to wait for the plane to unload, and I'm annoyed that the airlines don't inform their flight attendants when someone has a short layover and have them call those people to the front of the plane first.

2) Anyone who had no carry-ons or has their luggage already in hand would be allowed off next. Again, no cheating: if you have to get it out of the overhead, you don't get in on this round--even if you're quick.

3) Next, anyone who gets their luggage down during the previous two steps would be allowed off. These would generally be people on the aisle, but they might be traveling with others whose luggage they could also retrieve. And no standing in the aisle while you gather your belongings; remember, this is a courtesy system, and you should stay the hell out of the way.

4) Last would be the remaining passengers: this group would not be delaying people who were in a hurry or were more organized than they. There is invariably a jam where someone who has sat in their seat for the first several minutes of unloading sees that it is his or her row's "turn" and finally gets out, moves into the aisle, blocking the way, and proceeds to get his/her overhead stuff down while the rest of the passengers wait.

I suspect that plane disembarkations that take twenty minutes to a half an hour could be reduced to fifteen minutes or less via this method. Why no one at any airline has ever instituted this is a mystery. They must know that travelers experience a lot of frustration with air travel. Wouldn't this be a simple, no cost way to improve that experience? And in doing so, an airline would help to foment good manners and create a positive public image in the process; sort of a Please-treat-each-other-with-respect-because-we-do" message.

I have no power to change this. The one means at my disposal to perhaps spread the word a little, besides this blog, is that I can do a cartoon about it. I don't have one in mind yet, but there will be one. Oh yeah, count on it.

And if nothing ever changes, at least I can say I got a strip out of my frustration. Maybe, when that comic comes out, you could print copies and leave them all over airplanes. Sort of a change-by-cartoon campaign.